Still lost in wedding bliss
the Ohio pines
I’ve had a lot of poems
Sitting in draft
Right at the end
Of my fingertips 
There’s a thin red thread
Stringing them all
together-
I took this photo back in May of 2020 - I was freshly sober and living on Taco Bell and sugar. I woke up on this particular Saturday without a hangover or being crushed under all my shame and self-hatred and anxiety that came after a night of drinking. I felt free and good and like I was learning to love myself well. Looking back it was all so new and raw and fresh. Today, it’s been two whole years since I decided to take a 30 day break from alcohol as a radical act of self- love. I’ve been scared to talk about it for a long time because to say we don’t drink in our culture means a lot of things - and I avoided being sober for a long time because I thought it meant I had only one option and that option was to be sad and sober and missing out on life forever. What I’ve learned is that it means for me exactly what I want it to mean for me. It means I get to be fully here, it means moving through joy and grief and love and pain fully aware and present, it means loving myself well, healing what needs healed, telling the truth, untangling my shame, and learning who I really am all while living out a life I don’t need to escape from. The day I decided to take a 30 day break from alcohol, I thought I’d be messy and alone forever until two of my closest pals and my now fiancé let me know I definitely wouldn’t be and gave me the gift of belonging - they had me in that moment and I want others to know, I’ve got them too. So if you need this, silently or in some small way, I’ve got you. You belong here - just as you are.
it’s always
very much
been you
& me.
2/2
½
fam
autumn aspects; zion national park, utah